MoreI often make cute pictures. In fact, I bet 90% of my pictures are cute.
But for real, inside, I am not like that. I WANT to be that cute and innocent little girl I knew once. I WANT to believe people and believe in God without questioning.
Now I am basically a lazy, overweight, self-hating, thing that sits in front of the computer screen to many hours a day.
I always try to deny the mean things my sisters say about me and yet I know deep down inside they are true.
I know that part of me wants to be good, but too much of me is bad. I feel like I am slowly sinking into darkness.
It's seeping into my very veins.
I sit here I listen to things. The things I say in my head. I am not sure who to trust.
Is this all that is meant to be for me? I don't want this anymore but now I cannot go back.
Here I stand, not alone physically, but mentally.
I wallow in my own tears of loneliness in my head, and don't understand why I feel this way.
There are people around me, yet I feel as
What is the matter with me?I explode, I just say whatever seems best at the moment. Do I even realize what I am saying sometimes when I am mad? It feels I have damaged more things in my life then made things.
And why is it I cannot understand people well? They say something, and I mess it up by saying something that I would say back.
Sometimes I am very insensitive; it's one of my weaknesses I guess. Why can I not control myself well?
I almost want to be bad like this, but why do I?
People have told me that life it to short and that I should just love as much as I can; and yet I cannot seem to love people the right way.
This is to all the people I have hurt, whether you will ever read this or not. Whether you be an internet friend, or a friend I lost years ago, I hope you understand that I just don't know how to act normal.
Know that I hope to show my sincerest regrets.